I hate coming up with titles

Im tired of being an adoptee!

I want to just give it back, take it away… deal with it some other day. 

Mostly I am just tired of being me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I don’t know if its normal, but I seriously just wish I didn’t have to deal with anything anymore.  I never chose to be alive, and I wish to give it back.

For once in my life, I wish I just knew what it felt like to be normal, to have normal parameters on life.  Normal parameters on family, normal parameters on who I am and where I belong. 

But I don’t, because of the miracle of f*ing adoption. 

I don’t actually belong anywhere.  I don’t actually fit into any hole. 

And damn I am so tired of being pissy.  I am tired of being in such weird moods all the time.  Yeah I know that has nothing to do with being adopted, but it happens anyway. 

My moods are so weird, so strong, and so freaking unpredictable.  I wish for the life of me I had a way to escape them, I wish there were some way to escape everything that runs through my mind at any given moment.  I don’t, I just don’t. 

Even my respite from the ordinary, my Dads house, I can’t escape all the realities that plauge me.  They refuse to go away, no matter how much they are ignored. 

Now, on top of everything else to deal with, I have a possible major health problem to worry about as well. 

Well just f*ing great, just what I needed.  One more thing to have to worry about, one more thing to deal with.  One more thing I am just going to sit here and ignore. 

One more thing to just get pissy about.  Grrrrr

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2 Comments

  1. Jen said,

    August 11, 2007 at 11:10 pm

    Jessie,

    I swear we could be the same person! LOL That’s how much your posts sound like something I’d say!

    Jen

  2. Elizabeth said,

    August 12, 2007 at 3:22 am

    I hope that whatever health problem you might have turns out to be nothing serious. Good vibes being sent ~~~~~~~


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